Santa hacked again

Santa hacked again

Santa hacked again – Grey Hare spies investigate the latest.

In the run up to Christmas there are always incidents that bring joy, bring concern and bring worry.  HMS Big Lizzie returned to her home port after successful sea and air trials started last year just before Christmas when she was used as a to secret FOB for Santa, as reported by the Grey Hare Media team here:

However, in the year the new General Data Protection Regulation came into force, we were reminded of Santa’s vulnerability given the amount of data he has in his databases. He knows the name and address of every child across the globe. He has details of who has been good and who has been naughty, his naughty list is one of the most comprehensive global databases, and it was hacked!

Now there are a few things that we need to know about Santa and the Grey Hare spies have been hunting to bring them to you. He has 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth and according to observations from the International Space Station he travels east to west.

The North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD)have a special SANTA tracking facility that is made ready once a year to ensure that SANTA is kept safe and should there be any mishaps, then the right help can be provided quickly.

This joint US/ Canadian facility will not be affected by President Trump’s government shutdown. It is a vital global service ensuring the safety of happiness and joy.

What NORAD have conferment is that Santa makes 822.6 visits per second allowing him 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house….. phew…..

So, the chances of children seeing him are very remote, however, he has specialist stealth technologies that keep him invisible, but that seems to have been compromised.

Santa’s sleigh moves at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. This makes Rudolf a very special type of reindeer as a conventional reindeer can run at a maximum of about 15 miles per hour. His defining feature is his red nose but at 650 miles per second and with special stealth technologies, only Santa and the other reindeers should be able to see it.

However, the Grey Hare spies’ team have been informed that Santa’s stealth technology was hacked at the same time his naughty list was. This has only just come to light when Gatwick Airport was brought to a standstill over drone incursion incidents.  What people don’t realise is that just before Christmas each year Santa has a series of practice runs to let his reindeers stretch their legs and confirm they still remember where to go. Part of their emergency plans are landing (covertly) for quick repairs so present delivery can continue. The Grey Hare spies saw HMS Big Lizzie being used last year, however, a regular conventional stop is Gatwick Airport amongst other global airports.

This is not widely publicised as at 650 miles per second, using Santa and Rudolf’s specialist anti-collision device (the red Nose) he is usually in and out between flights without being noticed. This year was different, something clearly blocked the red nose stealth tech making it visible and concerned staff will have reported it as a possible drone incursion. Santa’s security team believe this may have been a deliberate act by the GRU to say “Bah Humbug” for embarrassments they have suffered this year.

Severely embarrassed at disrupting flights for his adoring fans coming to the North Pole to visit him, as well as those off on holiday, Santa has refused to comment on this latest embarrassment.  Luckily, under his beard, and with his red suit, no one had noticed the gentle flush of his face going red.

What is critical is that his operations on 24thDec delivering presents goes ahead – so appeals have been made to Elisabeth Denholm the Information Commissioner and the EU GDPR regulators not to investigate Santa too closely and to the Gatwick authorities, to realise he is really, really sorry!  He also appeals to the GRU and President Trump just to let him get on with his job and deliver joy not angst.

Follow his progress using NORAD’s live tracker here: